Fears

I was on a website called stumble, and this is what randomly showed up:

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1wMufs/www.phobiaguide.com/

There are a lot of fears in the world, each of us are afraid of different things, but the key is to acknowledge your fears, and overcome them.  By doing so we become greater people, and we can live our lives to the fullest - without being controlled by fear.

I have quoted Eleanor Roosevelt many times, "Do one thing that scares you every day."
What do you fear?  Why do you fear?  How will you overcome your fear?

Ahhhhhhh, Sigh of Happiness and a Beautiful Sunshine Day :)

     First, I write to you from a wonderful place, simple, yet wonderful.  I am lying on my stomach on a wooden stage in the middle of Spanish Square right next to my huge orange and yellow striped school.  It is a glowing sunny day, after about a week of dreary clouds and rain.  I can feel the warmth of the sun soaking into the left side of my face, and the coolness of the shadow in my right.  A barely noticeable breeze is flowing, everything is a live, people are laughing, talking, moving, and resting and enjoying this beautiful day, the 25th of February.
     I just finished TOK lessons for the day, and the whole class was sitting or laying in a circle, as we talked about the comparisons between art and life.  ToK is Theory of Knowledge, and a part of every IB course - it brings together all of our subjects, and demands that you critically analyze your assumptions - and validate your opinions.  For me, it embodies the yearning that I have now to think about my beliefs, my assumptions, things that I previously assumed were common knowledge and thoughtfully examine them, and change them when I find it necessary.
     The first quote was, "Life is a work of art."  And then we moved on to asing who is the artist, do we start with a blank canvas or do we utilize  things we are given to create the outwork ourselves.  Everywhere around this place we can see people "living" = going about their every day lives.  Do they think about the idea that their lives could be art.  We cherish and revere art in so many ways - some types of art are sacred, others are provocative.  Which is your life?  Do we treat life like art?  What is the purpose of art?  What is the purpose of life?  A friend told me a couple days ago that I always ask ten questions when I am asked one.  Most of the people close to me know that I love questions - but more so I love answers, because they open up a whole new understanding, and a whole new set of questions.

   The beginning of spring has always been a memorable and special time for me, it is the beginning of lacrosse, of the last push before summer.  It is a new beginning, but it is also a summing up of all the hard work during the winter.  It is a time to dream, and fulfill those dreams.  Ahh, I am a dreamer, a romanticist, but a person who I hope is known to make those dreams come true, for myself, and also for others.
     This city is beautiful and broken at the same time, divided, yet united against the juxtaposition of the landscape.  I'm staring at a ruined building, only the chimneys and craggy scraps of wall left standing above a pile of rubble, but behind the pieces in the distance stand the mountains, capped with snow, some in the shadow but the tops glistening in the purity of the whiteness.  It is beautiful, I love the mountains - I love the outdoors, the full breath of pure air brings me peace.  Now, it is time for English class, we are analyzing poetry at the moment.
    I hope that you enjoy a few of my musings - and I send my love to you all!

Skiing at Jahorina

February 8th 2010

Yawn, stretch, clock says five am, jump out of bed, wake up Beni, Andy walks in the door, Nicolai is finished packing, put in my contacts, sling my pack on my back, run to the car through the drenching rain, and we're off.

Andy Hemphill (my second year from the US), Benedikt Gottwald (my a fellow firsty from Munich, Germany) Nicolai Svanefjord (a second year from Denmark) and I (Hilary Johnson from the US) all went downhill skiing at the previous Olympic ski area outside of Sarajevo.  It was awesome day, as we cut up the power covered slopes.

Even though I have been skiing since I could practically walk, this was some of the best snow.  We found some virgin slopes on the east side of the mountain - and that drenching rain back in Mostar was a fresh layer of powder snow eleven centimeters thick up here at the mountain.

Andy and Benedikt are boarders (snow-boarders) and Nico and I skied.  We spend the whole day together, crossing over the mountain.  It was a great group because we were all pretty much equally matched skill-wise, nothing was unconquerable ;)

There were a couple of wipe-outs, a couple of yard sales, races, wicked jumps.  At the top of the mountain it was completely enclosed in fog, and from the lift the ground and the sky were indistinguishable - but as soon as we dropped 100 meters the visibility was great.

Taking a day to enjoy life was perfect, and a calm before the storm of this past week!  Spending time with the guys was amazing, I really enjoy the laughs and good times that we have together.  My favorites this trip were the conversations on the lifts, swooshing down the mountain, a delicious lunch (Nico has great taste for food) and cake! and enjoying a relaxing evening afterwards cooking pesto tortellini and watching Dr. House.

I hope that this will be a tradition and that Beni and I can go again next year!

A Walk with Leah

                Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Do one thing that scares you each day.”  Emily Pellegrini was the person who passed on this piece of wisdom to me, and though I do not seek out situations that scare me, they seem to come unexpectedly.  Emily, I have always remembered this ever since you told it to me freshman year.  It has provided many conquests, adventures, and memories – this is one of them.

                As we stared into the twilight at the ruins, I felt transported to the ancient land of Narnia at the castle of Cair Paravel when Lucy, Susan, Edmond, and Peter returned to find their happy reign as Kings and Queens long gone and grass growing among their turrets.  The gray stones cut long ago into rectangular bricks, now with rounded corners built the fragmented walls, which once surrounded this ancient monastery.   

The Orthodox Serbian monastery, which used to stand up the hill from the Old Bridge, was destroyed during the war, because of hatred towards the Serbs.  The area within the perimeter is mostly cleared so that the new construction of a Russian style church can be built, but the walls and piles of rubble and stones from the old building encircle the area, almost the size of a smaller soccer field.

The only parts of the monastery, which remain, are two huge square pillars, which held up the entryway, and formed the passage from the world into the hallowed passages and places of prayer.  Now they stand holding up the entire vastness of the night sky, the countless number of stars, pinpoints of light in the encompassing blackness.

After school today, I came to Musala and invited Leah to go on a walk in the crisp air as the sky was darkening towards dusky blue, and the mountains were rimmed with pale pink and yellow.  She has been working hard, like many second years, as they go through exams and turn in their final college applications and financial aid.  Still at the beginning of second semester I am beginning to feel the urge, slight oppressiveness, but enthusiastic anticipation of the work that needs to be done in the next twelve months, then I too will be almost finished, just reviewing all the concepts and knowledge (what is knowledge Mr. Regan would ask) that I am learning now.  We walked along Musala Street, then onto the cobblestones of old town, our feet directing us towards the Bridge.

At first we were talking about how this semester will progress, it seems like so much time on one hand, but on the other, it will pass by lightning.  She said that when she was a first year she could not imagine UWCiM without her second years, and I agree the friendships and relationships that I have with my second years.  Especially Leah, Nicolai, Srdjan, Isabelle, Mirwais, and Andy are wonderful; I really treasure them, the memories that we have and are making, and the impact that they have on my life.  Though next Leah offered encouragement and told me that this has been even more amazing than last year, even though I cannot imagine it right now.  She told me about a journal entry she wrote last year when they found out they would have three first year girls, she said that she really wanted a girl who she could bond with and be close to, that she would be able to support all of us, and that somebody would come who was a Christian as well as fun-loving.  Then, she said that I was the answer to that request.  I feel very honored, and I am so glad that she is my friend, my sister, my second year, a wonderful hug, a good laugh, and so many other things.  When we just got back from our walk Yuly looked at us dressed up warmly in hats and scarves and laughed and said, “You guys are such sisters,” and then broke out into an Israeli song about sisters.

While standing on the old bridge Leah told me about one of the teachers last year, who told them to deeply explore the extent of their metaphors.  It made me think about the river as life, and how it is always flowing, sometimes fast, sometimes slow, each at the right time.  Right now I think that I am in a phase of more contemplation and thoughtfulness.  Leah reminded me of something that I said to her near the beginning, I said that during the summer I am really social and enjoy being around a lot of people, and although that does not drastically change in the winter, subconsciously I tend to enjoy my quiet times, steaming cups of tea, and time with the people who are closest to my heart.  Even without knowing it, that is the pattern that I am in right now.  She reminded me of the saying, “water under the bridge.”

From the old bridge we wandered towards the bookstore, but it was closed, so for a moment we stopped and looked out over the crooked river and the small bridge.  And then headed back the way that we originally came, but turned up some back alley stairs instead of continuing towards Musala.  At the top of the stairs across a narrow road we continued to head up another set of derelict stairs and crossed the largest road through Mostar.  On the other side stood a gated off road that rose fairly steeply upwards and curved.  The sign in front showed an Ornate Orthodox Church, and from our knowledge of local Leah and I gathered that it was in the process of being built on the site of the old monastery.  There was a hole under the fence, we looked at it, looked at each other, and decided to go for it.

We walked up the road, and the night became darker as we left the light of the road, it was a transition between two different parts of this world, the modernized system of transport and communication, and an antique symbol of religion, reverence, and respect.  We sat and watched the lights of Mostar, listened to the ringing of the bells from the church, silence and darkness enveloping us in a sense of peace as my mind raced with thoughts, which slowly resided.  Moments of complete quiet and peace are rare and I treasure them greatly.

                Enjoy the small moments in life, allow time for spontaneity to happen, if you have to do something find something good about it, being cheerful is an outlook on life.

February 2^nd, 2010

                

Late Night Tickle Fights

Random funny moment :)  Last night my whole room was up relatively late studying for math tests today, as well as physics and getting ready for the week.  In the middle of the night we started a huge roomie tickle / pillow fight.  It was hilarious!  I was laughing for such a long time!  But we were really worried that Sejla, our house mom, would wake up and come down and bust us :/

Look for the little amazing moments in life, sometimes they are the best!